Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
