Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
