Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
