Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
