oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
