So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
