Your dad touched me again.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
