she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
