Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
