At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
a search helicopter?!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
