he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
