Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
