I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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