left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
