I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
