i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
