nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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