it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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