im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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