forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
