i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
