strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
