so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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