Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
