you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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