genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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