right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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