idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
