there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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