i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
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Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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