I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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