I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize