Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
