I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she peed on how many people?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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