and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
