I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
