so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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