And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you guys were way drunker than both of me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
