Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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