Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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