dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize