okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
