He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
