I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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