Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
