I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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