You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
