I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
