His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
