I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
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When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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