im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
