she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
don't judge my taste in strippers
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
