You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
