Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
