found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
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I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
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My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize