Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
