Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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