At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
