we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
