Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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