He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
