Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
