My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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