what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
