thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
