Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
where are my eyebrows?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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