Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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