Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
