Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
