Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
