WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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