so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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