The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
