OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
