She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
