I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
